Eight months repatriation in Boston

In February 2017, I was told that reverse culture shock might be an issue for someone like myself returning to the United States after five years abroad. When I was told this, I scoffed. I was simply too happy to have returned to a place where I once again … fit.

While I don’t dismiss the repatriation experience of others, for myself I have only had a few blips –  like figuring out the ATM at the cash register, how doors open when entering a building, and the fact that the pedestrian street-walk buttons in Boston often don’t work. I have had no problems with reverse culture shock with the exception of perhaps navigating the work/life balance I learned in Sweden. 

In Sweden, the people hold very dear the idea that one doesn’t live to work. There should be balance. While they take their work quite seriously – arriving on time, following rules, leaving on time – weekends were days off to enjoy life in the park, and evenings were time to relax. It took me an entire year and a half to come to embrace the notion that I didn’t have to, and most certainly should not, work ten hours a day, seven days a week.

Lagom – a Swedish word meaning not too much, not too little. Just enough.  An interesting point here, this philosophy does not apply to drinking.

In the States, Americans hold dear to the idea that working long days will bring success and increased opportunities. Everyone does it. Well, anyone who believes that tenacity and determination can make one’s dreams come true. While I find myself again working during the evening and on Saturdays, I do hold Sunday as ‘my day’. It’s sacrosanct.

I often wonder and attempt to reconcile what my European experience would have been, could have been, had I not had the domestic disappointment I experienced there. The betrayal of a loved one – one upon whom an expat is dependent as they integrate into a new culture – clouds the entire experience. It is, however, my intention to rectify my time there and bring home something of that sweet Nordic culture which I can call my own.

I don’t know what that is.

Perhaps the true Swedish friends I made there. Or the Swede’s love of nature. The idea of work/life balance, and most definitely fredagsmys (cozy Friday). I would have very much liked to have learned that crazy language and had that language inform my writing – I was too busy and confused trying to survive the day to day battles which became a lifestyle and the neediness required by a narcissist.

I so want to embrace my Swedish experience but that time and place gave me mostly traumatic memories which I continue to work to rectify. It shouldn’t have been that way but … it was. Eight months into my return to the States, I reflect on what I can make of my time abroad. Five years in Sweden should count for something more than disappointment and I strive to turn it into something positive which I can weave into the tapestry of my life.

Writer/photographer Lisa Mikulski is based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me.