How living abroad can break your heart

It is something that many of us might aspire to – the adventure and romance of living abroad. And while for some it is all of that, with travel to nearby foreign countries, new friends and new languages, there are ways in which living abroad can break your heart – no matter how effortlessly you have managed to fit in to your host country.

Being away means exactly that. So when there are weddings, graduations, births, or funerals which take place in your home country and you can’t go, either due to work or financials, it can be a devastatingly lonely event for those who have chosen to live in another country. It might not even be something as traumatic as a death or as joyful as a marriage. It could simply be that one day you are walking down the street and are struck by a feeling – an all consuming heart-wrenching knowledge that someone you love very dearly is 3,582 miles away.

I remember having such an experience one grey February day as I stepped off the tram in Gothenburg. I was unexpectedly assaulted by the fact that I desperately missed my sons. The feeling of loneliness nearly brought me to my knees. Just like that. A punch in the gut – a random heartache in the middle of the street.

Social media makes it easy to converse with friends and family, and it’s wonderful for sharing photos, but there is nothing in the world quite like being able to physically hug someone who misses you. There is the close emotional connection of sitting together and looking into the eyes of someone who needs you or holding the hand of someone who loves you. We tend to take these things for granted. We tend to believe that we will always be there and that there will always be a way to get back home.

People may think, and some will flat out tell you, that your choice to reside in another country is selfish. Perhaps it is. But while you are living in Sweden, or Spain, or France … life back home continues on without you. This is something one who lives abroad is acutely aware of. People get sick. People get married, have babies. Children grow up, graduate college, and meet the love of their life. Parents get older. Friends go their separate ways.

So before you pack your bags, make sure you have an ample – a very ample – savings account so that the chances of you having to say “No I can’t come” are less. And while you are home, never forget the value of the person sitting next you.

This piece was edited and republished here from 2sweden4love.com – a site on living abroad in Sweden.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.