Give Yourself Some Grace

During a recent rant with my therapist, I was telling her—in a rather manic way—all the things that were frustrating me about recovery from narcissistic abuse.

I explained that I felt my sense of self motivation was abysmal (in comparison to my past self) and self discipline was lacking. I told her I was still having trouble expressing myself, realizing any sense of accomplishment, confidence, and I explained this whole notion I have of moving from victim to survivor to warrior. It just seemed to me that it was all an incredible amount of work and I wasn’t progressing fast enough, strong enough, smart enough; and why the hell was all this recovery stuff taking so god damn long anyway?

She looked at me with a wide eyed, knowing smile, “Give yourself some grace,” she said.

It stopped me short. What a beautiful turn of words. I wrote it down. And then I began to consider what was meant by “grace”. 

I have used the word in the past when I was referring to my attitudes and opinions toward recovery. It meant that I would not become an angry or bitter person, and that I would handle disappointment, adversity—my life—with some semblance of grace and humility. But this was an outward giving. These ideas, to me, meant notions of compassion, kindness, and forgiveness toward others. I had not considered bestowing grace to myself? Ever.

I Googled “give yourself some grace” … because sometimes the most obvious things are a puzzlement to me.

Grace is a reprieve. An unexpected kindness.

As I sat and thought about grace—a reprieve in and of itself—I realized this was different from self care … because sometimes self care can almost seem like just another chore. And perfectionism can be counterproductive to progress.

We could say that grace towards oneself would go along with the adage of “don’t be so hard on yourself” but it’s more than that. Grace is about accepting. It’s an unexpected gesture of kindness … toward ourself. It’s become a mantra for me now, and as such I remember:

I am exactly where I need to be in my recovery.

I am exactly where I need to be in my life.

How many times have you made a mistake or beaten yourself up over something you thought was not enough? You are enough. Just the way you are. Give yourself some grace.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.